So it’s been approximately five months and five days since I graduated from the Event Management program and approximately three months and six days since I returned to McDonald’s.
I want to make something clear: I want to get a job in the event field… or at least that’s what I keep telling myself to justify going to school and spending the rest of my savings for. The more I think about the jobs I can apply for, the less I want to do any of it though. Yes, some of it is nerves related to the idea of getting my first real job and all the possibilities I have to mess it up, but mainly it’s just that I don’t see myself occupying any of the positions.
Not to mention, applying for jobs is a job in itself. For starters, you have to find entry level positions, which by “entry” they mean have 3-5 years experience in a field you just graduated from (haha, not kidding). Then you also have to be bilingual because for some reason I chose to stay in Ontario (big mistake). The list of qualifications and restrictions goes on and on. It’s completely exhausting to tell you the truth.
I know that it’s just a matter of time and obviously the more you apply the more chances you have to finally getting a call back but the more I revised my resume, or the more cover letters I wrote, the less I wanted to do any of the jobs I was applying for. I’d stumble across a position that I’d be completely unqualified for and think “wow I’d really like to do that”, and wonder why I even took Event Management in the first place. I guess it’s the typical “the grass is always greener on the other side” state of mind, but I still can’t help thinking it.
I still think that I’d excel in an event based job but right now my biggest motivators for getting a new job is 1) not waking up at 5am, 2) not having to shower every day when I get home 3) not having to wear a smelly uniform 4) not having to tell people I work in the fast food industry and 5) finally getting a use out of my certificate. Those don’t exactly seem like the greatest reasons to want to work at a job for the rest of your life, do they?
It’s funny because I thought I’d just graduate and find a job shortly after I returned from traveling and then just botta-bing-botta-boom I’d turn into some sort of working adult. Instead, it’s been 5 months, I work at the same fast food restaurant I did while I was gaining my degree and I still feel like some lost teenager who has no clue what they’re doing. I guess I was searching for stability and I never quite found it.
I’m not giving up though. I’m trying to find new positions that my degree still applies to, and hoping to god that eventually one of my cover letters will catch someones eye and they’ll take a chance and interview me and I won’t blow that interview.
Mainly I wanted to write this because I feel this pressure all the time to finally get a “real” job (an expression in itself that is deconstructive), and I think it’s a pressure I make up in my head because I don’t think any of my family, or friends or whomever really give a shit if I work at McDonald’s or if I’m working at the best event company in Ottawa. I just hate the idea of becoming a statistic… one more graduate that doesn’t get a job and their certificate/degree/whatever just goes to waste. I guess it just feels like right now I’m going down a check list to growing up and I’m stuck between x) graduate from college and x) get your first real job.
I don’t know how many more metaphor’s I can come up with for feeling stuck but that’s it. I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a cycle of working all day and having no desire to apply for jobs in my free time, then going to work and wishing I’d finally get a new job despite putting in no effort to actually do so. It’s a vicious cycle and every once in a while I break out of it and apply for a few new jobs, but never enough to actually give me a solid chance of landing anything. Even my posts are becoming a cycle of being pessimistic and then optimistic haha.
Maybe if I stopped complaining on my blog and actually spent the time applying for jobs I’d have one by now 😉 haha