Not Going To Plan

Hello Folks,

Yesterday my boyfriend and I got in a conversation about what version of ourselves we liked the best. I said 17-year-old me because at the time I was surrounded by a good group of friends, I was just discovering what music I was into, I was actually beginning to act like myself in high school and I finally stopped caring what people thought about me.

Since that conversation I’ve been thinking a lot about the present and why right now I’m not my favourite version of myself. For once in my life I’m not working towards something. Whether it was in high school and I was saving up money for a trip, or it was in uni and I was working hard for good grades. Now that I’m finished school and don’t have a job, I have absolutely nothing to try for. I think my ambition is a big part of me, and although not everyone may see it, I try really really hard. I never tried for A+’s, or any sort of measured success like that, but I always put forth an effort to work towards a happier and better future than the present I was currently living.

I’m a planner, and in the back of my mind I’ve always carried a 1 year, 5 year and 10 year goal. Although I was perfectly content if nothing ever went exactly to plan, I at least had an idea where I was headed. Now I’m not so sure. While traveling I was talking to two people from my hostel and some how our futures came into conversation and I said something along the lines of “maybe in 10 years I’ll be married” and they started laughing and saying how they thought I’d say something like 5 years. That would put me at 24 years old and married, which is a realistic thought and honestly I was always one to believe I’d be married by the ripe age of 22, but as that date slowly approaches I realize how far off I am from everything I thought I would be.

Right now I’m just trying to figure out how I can get back to being my favourite version of myself.

Love always,

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